So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
