after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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