he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize