Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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