really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
