btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
