I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
