When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
