i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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