he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
