i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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