she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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