Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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