Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Two words: nipple clamps
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