just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
