Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize