I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm having to shit out rocks
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
