You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
home. puking in laundry basket.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm always down for nudity.
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