He asked me if I "almost moaned"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
