You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
