I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
