OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
