you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
