never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
