I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
