yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
