Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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