You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
