We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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