I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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