She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize