I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
