I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
