so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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