found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize