I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
