You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
