i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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