I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
