it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
