My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
