reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
