I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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