I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
