Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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