i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
