So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
