how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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