I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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