Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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