Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
