No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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