I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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