We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Randomize
