I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
