Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
