How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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