why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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