Where is the hickey?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
