How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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