Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
