i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You have to summon your inner elephant
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
