You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
ttyl tear gas
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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