The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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