My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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