why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
