my mouth tastes like poor choices
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
