you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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