I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
