I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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